To Love the Loveless

“Once a bitch always a bitch, what I say.” Jason is immediately portrayed as a negative bitter man filled with hatred and resentment for his life and those who surround him. In this section, it is apparent that Jason blames the cause of his unsatisfying existence on everyone but himself. He has an intense hatred for his sister, Caddy, because she stopped him from getting the job at Herbert’s bank. Yet it is important to note that Jason would not have even been graced with the opportunity for this job if it wasn’t for Caddy, but that small detail seems to slip his mind. Jason has an obvious lack of consideration for his family due to taking advantage of his mother and sneakily stealing money. Because Jason is in pain, he believes everyone must suffer as well. This is seen when he burns his tickets to the show in Luster’s face. If Jason can’t find happiness, then no one should. Yet despite his evil ways, his hurtful words, and despicable actions, his mother still deeply cares for him. Why does Mother care for Jason the way she does? Why does mother have so much love for Jason, a son that is seemingly absent of the capacity to love? (208)

You Had Me At St. Paul

St. Paul, Minnesota. I am hooked. After being born there, living there until I was five years old, and returning every summer has put this beautiful city in a special place in my heart. Therefore, when I realized that Land of the Living, written by Sam Shepard, was about a St. Paul family I immediately became intrigued. This short story is about a family from St. Paul, Minnesota taking a winter vacation in Cancun, Mexico. The piece of literature is simply written yet obtains depth deep within its lines. The family consists of a wife, husband, daughter, and son. The four embark on a journey through the unique and cultured land of Cancun, which is incredibly different compared to their freezing Minnesota climate. What initially drew me to this story was my deep connection with St. Paul, but the deeper meaning behind this basic written story kept me reading.

All people lie. All people cheat. All people feel sorrow and all people feel guilt. Within this story all of these emotions and actions are addressed. The husband and wife are battling issues of trust and honesty, values that every successful marriage is based on. While the parents accuse and abuse each other, the children are seemingly unaffected. What caught my attention about this story is that no real names are ever used. Mom is simply mom, no real name is attached to this character. This seemingly minute detail makes me wonder whether this purposeful lack of names provides another sense of association. As readers, we can see our actual moms saying these words and our real fathers repeating these phrases. Within the human lifespan, these family issues are felt by nearly everyone. Within my paper, I hope to address the commonality of the issues presented by the family and how each member reacts to them. By observing the types of feelings the family has towards one another, we can find deeper meaning within the interactions and emotions found in our own families.

The Heaviest Weightless Weight

The weight of their worlds was on their shoulders. They carried pocketknives, canteens, maps, radios, ammunition, ghosts, regret, guilt, pain, terror, love, and the weight of the their days. These soldiers in the Vietnam War carried more than what were merely on their backs. These war-torn soldiers carried the pain they felt, the weight of their gruesome memories, and the realization that they would never stop carrying. Not only did these men comprehend that they would always carry this weight, but they also knew that these weightless, numbing emotions were the only aspects of their being that made them human.

The content of the soldiers’ packs, what they chose to carry or leave behind, represented who the young men were as individuals. The constantly frightened Ted Lavender carried tranquilizers, the hygienic Dave Jensen kept dental floss, the heavy Henry Dobbins carried extra canned peaches, and the religious Kiowa kept the New Testament. These possessions were all that made them individuals in their own right. Without their packs, these soldiers would all be identical beings trying to survive the Vietnam War with their compress bandages, ponchos, and M-16 gas-operated assault rifles. Every one of these soldiers “was just a kid at war” (22). With nothing else but what they carried on their back to represent themselves, what constituted the weight on their shoulders constituted who they were.

In addition to the weight of their possessions, the soldiers felt the burden of carrying their emotions, memories, and experiences. Before his death, Lavender not only carried more than 20 pounds of ammunition, but also “the unweighed [sic] fear” (17). Ironically, the soldier most prepared to protect himself from death was the one to die. All of the soldiers shared the weight of their fellow soldier’s death. “They shared the weight of memory. They took up what others could no longer bear,” (39) which united them as soldiers, as men, and as humans. The pain of constant fear, the heavy experiences of enduring day after day in Vietnam, the desperate want to no longer feel their weight; these were emotions felt by all the men.

Like what they kept in their packs, many of their weighted emotions were unique to their experiences. Jimmy Cross, the First Lieutenant, carried love, rejection, regret, and guilt; quite a load for any young soldier to handle. His love and obsession of a woman back home named Martha occupies his thoughts constantly and distracts him from his duties at hand. The young Lieutenant “humped his love for Martha up the hills and through the swamps” (5) and regretted not kissing her, for never taking the risk to let her see how much she loved her. Although Cross does later regret having her in his mind because he feels as if he let her get in the way of saving Lavender. He felt guilt. “He felt same. He hated himself. He had loved Martha more than his men, and as a consequence Lavender was now dead” (42). In response to his emotion, Cross burns the pictures and letter from Martha in hopes of burning her from his memory. In a sad and depressing manner this young, naïve, optimistic boy grows older. He realizes Martha will never love him the way he loves her, he realizes that he is to blame for Lavender’s death, and he realizes no matter what material object he burns the weight of guilt and pain will constantly hang from his shoulders.

Cross lightens his load on his back but heavies the load on his heart. He vows to no longer think of Martha, his objective is to perform successfully as a soldier. Cross is now a Lieutenant who is strict, serious, and will not tolerate anything but exceptional performance from himself and his men. As if taking the remnants of the burned letters and pictures, Cross has formed a tough impenetrable exterior, in which guilt, regret, and sadness are hidden deep within his weighted heart. (659)